Warning: this article is a 10-minute read
⁂
I removed my shoes and put my feet on the scale marks. My weight was in pounds. I hung onto the handles on the side of the machine, and 2 electronic strips slowly filled up the screen: one for body fat and the other one for water. During the 75 minute talk that followed, I listened to the coach advice. I’ve heard them already a bunch of time in magazines, or through friends telling me how they eat better, healthier, lighter. But those words never struck me, I didn’t feel they were about me, like when somebody shout in the street that Jesus is coming back, I just don’t hear it.
1. March 2017, I’m in shock
Rhonda left her office to print some paper about “how to build a balanced meal”. As I was waiting, I checked on my phone how much I weighed in kilos, since pounds didn’t mean anything to me. The result was far worse that I thought. I used to tell myself that numbers don’t matter (a mixed result of being slightly hypocritical with myself and refusing society diktat about weight), and even though I knew I couldn’t wear my favorite jeans anymore, when Rhonda came back in her office, I was in complete shock. I suddenly was paying much more attention to what she was saying. “Do you want another appointment in 3 weeks?”. I nodded. Yes.
2. Five years ago, I moved to the US, and I was 45 lbs less heavy
I was 28 years old, I was caring just enough about fitness, and just enough about having a healthy diet. But I was worried about moving abroad, and specially to the US with their reputation of junk food and excess in general. Before leaving Paris, I saw a nutritionist, just to make sure I had things under control. She listened to me saying I liked to eat and drink, that I hated people not having fun at the dinner table. She also listened to me saying that I was worried. She told me I should trust myself, pay attention to my appetite, be careful with quantities, and eat a little bit of everything. It seemed easy, but probably it was way too theoretical for me, I didn’t feel it, it was just too vague. When I arrived in the US, everything was just a swirl of changes and novelty, and I forgot what she told me. Eating in a balanced way seemed really boring, and after all, my weight wasn’t really an issue anyway…
3. So, I did I end up in Rhonda’s office?
Flashforward, 5 years after. It took me some time to realize something was wrong. I started 2017 exhausted, stressed and with no motivation about anything. I’ve just came back from a few intensive months of travelling, some of it was for work. Some would say it was just the middle of winter in Boston. On a Thursday afternoon in February, a storm was blasting outside, I was lying on my bed, my laptop on me, and I was reading an article from Adventurous Kate, a travel blogger who decided to be fitter in 2017. Her words talked to me, and like an internet junkie, I followed her path and sent an email to a gym in Boston to visit them. The day after, at 9.30am, I had a brand new membership and 2 free appointements with a coach and a nutritionist. I was ready for my big change to happen! I was eager to meet up with the fitness coach, but I didn’t care much about the nutritionist. I didn’t need it anyway, right?
4. When it clicked, and what I’ve changed.
It was not me on the pictures or on the mirror. But from that, I could’t draw the conclusion that I’ve had changed. The appointment with Rhonda was the time when it clicked for me, when I saw the numbers on my phone. I could’t believe it. I said to myself that I needed to change, that I wanted to change, that I was willing to change*. And that it wasn’t a 2 days 1/2 change, but a real one.
*I don’t think that “when you want, you can” (which is the blunt translation of a French saying “quand on veut, on peut”). No, sometimes, when you want it, you just can’t anyway. But in my case, I had no medical condition to prevent me for changing.
When it clicked, it’s not that I decided I needed to be “thinner”, but in a broader way, I thought I needed to be “healthier”. Maybe it sounds the same to you, but I like better the “healthier” version: being thin has never had a high value to me, yes, I want to be a hot chick – as far as I can, but I realized in Rhonda’s office that health was also at stake. Mental and physical. My eating and drinking habits were not healthy.
Unfortunately, I hurt myself in March, and I couldn’t work out, I couldn’t even bike or walk fast. Instead of giving up, saying to myself “I’m doomed anyway”, it forced me to really pay attention to what I was eating. And it was a first.
First, I observed my habits, it was clear that I ate too much, too often; I didn’t cook anymore, and I was eating whatever. I always had a great excuse for it: I’m cold, I’m stressed out, I’m tired, I had a terrible day, I’m bored, I’m just watching TV! Positive excuses worked too: I feel great, we have to celebrate!, I’m hanging out with my friend. etc. The list is endless. A good friend of mine, Corina, told me, to cheer me, that she thought I was so disciplined that it would be easy for me to lose weight anyway. But it’s not about eating, really. It’s about emotions. I don’t even eat because I’m hungry, I eat because (enter the list of excuses). I had to change that.
My goal, for once, was stronger that eating for any reason. I told myself that I’ve eaten everything already, I’ve tried everything. It was time to go back to healthier options.
After 3 months, I’ve lost about 10lbs. The result was just another number, I didn’t feel the difference. But I was happy, and surprised that it was working. A few months after, I reached -25 lbs and I started to get some positive comments, even from strangers. I too was able to feel and see the difference in the clothes I was wearing and on pictures. It was not only a number anymore, but really about a physical feeling.
Friends asked me what was my secret, for real. Like I didn’t tell the truth. “I just eat better, I’ve changed my habits”. To be more precise, here’s what helped me:
- Paying attention to my habits. I’ve written down what I ate in a notebook: where, what time, if I was hungry, what. I took notes not to justify myself, but to have a clear image of what I was doing. For instance, I thought I was eating no more that one muffin a week. But I had to admit that it was more! On top of the notebook, I used a calorie count app. Some people think it’s too extreme, for me, I liked it because it gave me a sense of quality/quantity of what I was eating. And I was able to see my alcohol habit as well.
- Meal planning. It was a big change for me. I started to plan the meals in advance, and do the groceries according to this menu. It can seem pretty basic for the more organized folks, to me, it was a huge change. I became used to go out or order take-out, when the fridge was empty. I forgot how to cook or where was the supermarket. I’m not able to create a recipe when I see vegetables in a fridge. So meal planning was a big change for me. I don’t do it all the time, but I’m getting better at it.
- Eating “everything”. When I hear “eating everyting”, I don’t hear eating proteins and vegetables, I hear eating carbs and sweets, which, no worries, I’m doing it already. So I’ve changed. I’ve been cooking more, and more balanced meals. I don’t do a diet, I don’t even use this word. My goal is to change FOR EVER, not just for a few months.
- Being motivated. I want to succeed. I didn’t want to change for 2 days 1/2, I wanted real change. So I’ve been super focused, without being too extreme either. I’ve travelled, I’ve kept going out with my friends, but I had and still have my eyes on the prize, baby. When I was in a Mexican restaurant eating 2 chips and some guac, my friends were proud for me, and happy to eat the rest for themselves.
- Paying someone. Yes, having somebody to be accountable for was a big deal for me. Rhonda is always positive, she’s also a sports coach, so we talk about fitness in general. Our sessions are not theoretical, we talked about very practical and personal struggles. “How can I get myself to eat healthy as a freelance who works a lot on my own”, “I’m going on a road trip, how can I not over-snack in the car?”, “I’m going to 3 parties and 2 dinners this week, what do I eat at the restaurant?” She helped me get new habits, without the emotional burden of a friend/family member.
5. Moving to the US and gaining weight: it is a fatality?
One of my first blog post 5 years ago was about weight! I must have known that I was susceptible to this kind of change… Is it a fatality when someone moves to the US to become… fatter? I don’t think so. It really depends on the person, their lifestyle, their personality, genes and also age! I think that if I had lived in Roma, London, Berlin, Rio or even if I had stayed in Paris, I would have gone through the same thing. For sure, here in the US, everything is “more”: bigger, higher, fatter, sweeter. There’s no shame in being fat, in eating fast food, in sipping coffee out of a straw while walking in a street. « You do you ! » is the American motto – at least the one where I’m living. The opposite exists too: Bostonians are in most cases very attuned to fitness, people run a lot, there are tons of organic supermarkets and farms, people do research on nutrition and diabetes here…
❣
I can wear again my favorite jeans, but in my agenda this week, on Thursday morning, I’m seeing Rhonda.
